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When the Best Sex Is Extramarital.


The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an escort on the side with lots of kinky satisfaction.

What do you do when the best sex of your life is outside of marriage, but you still want the emotional security of a stable long-term relationship with someone you love and trust?

I’ve had a few clients over the years who have been able to make an open marriage work, but most people, even those who think they might want such an arrangement, are too insecure and jealous to do so.

So most people who see escorts do so in secret, and the majority "enjoy" this double-life for many years, often without consequence and usually to the benefit of their other "normal" relationship.

At first glance this might not seem like an ideal situation, but if you enjoy the adrenaline rush of illicit sex and you don’t want the responsibility or risk of a full-on-affair , it’s probably about as good as it gets.

You have no financial obligations to your escort and there is no deep emotional connection, so you are not even going to get hurt when the relationship ends. Even the fact that your escort is not exclusively yours and is not always available when and where you want, is a sexual plus.

Studies have shown that dopamine, the neurotransmitter that motivates us to “want” sex, is stimulated by unpredictability, and because the neurological “wanting” system (dopamine) is so much more powerful than the “satiety” system (opioids), not knowing where this erotic journey is going only increases your anticipation and arousal.

I don’t know how you make your relationship choices, but I do know that many men and women genuinely believe that cheating is fine, as long as no one gets caught. But, contrary to received wisdom, we are becoming more, rather than less moralistic about infidelity.

Freud claimed that people often split love and lust. It is not uncommon to have great sex with someone who isn’t lovable, or to have a trustworthy loving relationship with someone with whom the sex is boring.

As an escort I try to keep an open mind about the morality of enjoying the excitement of an illicit relationship without any of the domestic fallout. I would not want to hurt anyone, or be the cause of the break up of a marriage. In all my years working in this business, I have never had a client who had told me they are leaving their partner as a result of our secret encounters. On the contrary, many clients tell me how I have saved their relationship, put a spark back into fading passion and new life into failing libido.

Why should we not be able to recapture the heady thrills of youth, while protecting a secure home life?

Intimate encounters with escorts are about excitement, being alive, seduction, flirtation, love, affection, sexual bliss, lust, caution, eroticism, fantasy, danger, adventure, exploration and the determined refusal to grow old gracefully.

There is also evidence that the more permissive the attitudes of a country, the longer marriages last. In France an affair is dubbed an adventure, free of insinuations of betrayal. It is estimated that a quarter of men and women are enjoying casual flings and affairs at any one time. Indeed, the conventionality of affairs is displayed in the concept of le cinq à sept, the magical space between 5pm and 7pm when men see their mistresses.

In Japan a tradition of geishas has evolved into a modern society where sex is seen as a pleasure to be enjoyed. Japanese pornography is consumed openly, by women as well as men, on the metro and in other public places. Sex is everywhere and it is also clearly separated from marriage.

Meanwhile, Nordic countries are already way ahead of the game. Couples openly discuss “parallel relationships” within marriage. These range from affairs between work colleagues lasting years to holiday flings lasting a few days. Almost half of Finnish men and almost one third of Finnish women have had at least one significant parallel relationship. Yet marriage is a protected and respected institution in these countries, where families can function and flourish without compromise.

On the contrary, the emphasis on sex as a leisure activity in consumer society allows people in celibate marriages to see their situation as something that can and should be remedied, instead of something to put up with.

Escorts make it easy and provide access to finding your own mistress or lover. Something that used to be a luxury of kings and millionaires is now open to all.

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